Holidayz.

Christmas came ... and Christmas went.  Honestly it happened so fast I hardly had time to get excited.  But even for its warp speed, it was wonderful to Christmas with family, specifically our little one.  The first Christmas with a baby was so fun but so weird.  Freddie and blew most of our Christmas budget on Liam (which really is how it should be) and Liam blew through his gifts focusing on the wrapping paper instead of the toys.  I knew that would happen.  You only hear the cliched "I spent X on the gift, but what they played with was the box" so many times before you believe it; and Liam fulfilled every expectation of ignoring what ever colorful, shiny, noisy thing he uncovered, to deftly and efficiently shove the wrapping into his sweet, drool filled mouth.  Freddie and I loved every minute of it.  We took picture after picture of Liam attacking the newest gift laid before him, with the end result being a pile of mushy paper, and we never tired of it.  Each time was utterly hilarious, the exact repetition of which with each present made it all the more funny.  Yes, I admit it, we are those parents.  Everything Liam does is the greatest thing ever.  For my childless friends, hold judgment until you have your own bouncing, snotting bundle of joy.  Behold mine in all his Christmas glory.

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season and have a happy New Year!

Liam update

I have a 7.5 month old.  CRAZY!  I know I'm a little late but here is the home shot of Liam at 7 months.

Thankful Thursday Post.

So I know I have missed like the last 6 weeks of the promised Thankful Thursday posts but really, I've been busy graduating from college.  So in order to make up for the last month or more of slacking on my part, here are the things I've been thankful for most for the last 6 weeks.

I'm thankful we were able to go to Texas for Thanksgiving and be with the giant Jones clan.  I love love love Freddie's family.  They are warm, inclusive and funny.

I'm thankful for our reliable vehicle that got us safely to Texas over Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for Freddie's job.  He loves what he does, the people he works with and he has learned so much as a photographer.

I'm thankful for a healthy happy baby boy.  Liam is the light of my life and although he has turned my world upside down, over and over he has been worth it.

I'm thankful that I made it through my ridiculous History 221 class and that my professor didn't flunk me on my midterm and gave me a 'C' even though I totally deserved to fail... Let's be honest, that was no where close to the caliber of work I should and can put out as a history major.

Finally, I'm thankful to be graduating.  Although there is a torrid of emotions I'm experiencing in conjunction with having just taken my final final, I'm thankful to be able to hold my head up high and say, "I may be a few years late, but I finished what I started and got my degree."

Happy Thursday Everyone!

And a star is born...

Liam is getting so Big!  I can’t believe I have a six month old baby.  Where has the time gone? Enjoy his latest photo shoot picture.  Freddie shot this and is a particular fan of the furry hat.

Busy, Busy, Busy.

So I know I have not been around lately...in every sense of the word and really you will just have to forgive me.  I have been busy.

So much to update and really I don't feel like doing it all so I'm going to give the short version.... We moved.  Really that is what has taken up so much of my time. You see, it hasn't just been about moving because with the move I started my new job...which never ends... literally I am at work all day.  I guess to be fair I'm not working the whole time.  I work in between taking care of Liam, making dinner, doing dishes, taking care of laundry, picking up the house, and the biggest job of all, taking care of Liam.  There literally are not enough hours in the day for me to get done everything I need to do.  So in an effort to be more efficient, I've begun getting up at 3 a.m. in order to fit homework in.  Yes, for the time being I'm super woman, mom extraordinaire, amazing wife and star employee.     It's so over rated.  But the semester will end in a few weeks and with BA in hand I will have one less thing to focus on, and that will make all the difference.

Really though, I am so blessed.  In an effort to keep that in the forefront of my mind, and blog more, I am stealing my beautiful sister's idea of Thankful Thursday posts.

The pioneering Thankful Thursday post is about my family.  I am so thankful for a husband who takes Liam the second he walks through the door each day so I can get 10 minutes to myself.  For my Mom who unexpectedly showed up at my house Monday morning to watch Liam so I could get a few quiet hours to study.  For my Dad who spent his Saturday helping us move.  For my siblings who set the bar for me in their Christlike behavior and sensitivity to those around them.  Finally, for Chelsey, for her positive posts that make my day every time I read them.

Now I'd like to play myself out with some David and Freddie... Under Pressure...in picture.

So Very Blessed

I quit my job a few weeks ago, (as planned) to stay at home with Liam, but I wouldn't have been able to just not work if we were to make ends meet. The problem was that since Freddie lost his job in January and was essentially unemployed for six months the savings we had built up so I could stay home was drained. While my working through the summer helped to start to build it again it wasn't nearly enough. So I have been looking for a job at night for the last few weeks hoping to find something that would allow me to be at home with Liam during his awake hours (though it would have left me with little sleeping hours). At the same time we have been looking for a new, more affordable, centrally located apartment.

A few weeks ago I fell in love with a little cottage in Orem that is located smack between Fred's work and school. He could walk 5 minutes either way to get to class or the studio. It was a small, one bedroom, but so cute with plenty potential. I figured with a few IKEA bookshelves as room dividers we could make it work with Liam. We loved the land lady who was willing to go above and beyond to make the place work for us, and the price wasn't half bad. We were all set to take it, she drew up the contract, but for some reason I just felt like it wasn't right. I couldn't figure out why since everything seemed so perfect. But I couldn't ignore the promptings of the spirit. So we backed out before signing the contract and gave her our most sincere regrets.

Fast forward a few weeks to last Saturday night; Sue (the land lady) called me and said she had been thinking about us and wanted to make us an offer. So we met up with her yesterday and she asked if I would be interested in running her picture framing business and in exchange we would live in the apartment in the house where the business is located (which is directly in front of the little cottage we initially wanted to move into). I couldn't believe it. Of course we said yes.

This is an answer to prayer. We found a place to live and I found a job all at the same time. Not just any job, one that will literally be run out of my home. I won't have to leave Liam at all to work. He will be with me all day. How much better could it get? I'm a stay at home mommy with a job to help provide for my family.

This year has been one of the hardest Fred and I have ever faced together. Freddie lost his job, we had a baby (wonderful but hard), our car died and we had to buy a new one, I quit my job (which I loved, but I needed to be home with Liam) and various other things one after another. But in all the difficult things we have faced I have never once felt alone. Heavenly Father has comforted us and blessed us in ways I can't even begin to describe. So many wonderful things have also happened this year and while it has been the hardest for me the miracles I have personally experienced have far out weighed any of the negatives. I am so thankful for a mindful Heavenly Father. Freddie and I have grown so much from these experiences and I have truly seen what God can do and what he so badly wants to do for all his children.

God lives and he loves us. There is no doubt in my mind about that. He only wants what is best for his children and is simply waiting for us to acknowledge him and love him back.

Stay At Home Mommyhood

So, I have finally achieved stay at home mommy status. I quit my job and I only have two classes on campus, a total of three nights a week. So I'm now home with Liam all day, every day. It's awesome... for the most part. I have to admit that I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. I play with Liam, make dinner, and attempt to keep the house clean. My days are pretty simple which makes me feel like I'm not doing enough; especially when for the last five years of my life Sunday was the only day of the week I spent more than 9 hours at a time in the home.

Of course I do have homework, but ironically it's harder for me to find time to study now that I'm home all day then it was when I worked and went to school full time (good thing I'm graduating in December). Liam's naps and after he goes to bed are really the only times I have to hit the books. Even when he is playing by himself its difficult to concentrate on essays and reading assignments; he's just so darn entertaining. He's a bigger distraction than the television.

Anyway, here are his most recent pictures. These were taken (all by Freddie of course) just prior to the four month mark about a month ago.

I see a future heart breaker. He totally got his daddy's looks.

Dear Citizen, I have something to Say.

Dear Citizen,

In regards to the debate on a Mosque and interfaith center near Ground Zero, the burning of the sacred text of the Koran and all anti-Muslim propaganda and bigotry: I have something to say.

For a long time now I have sat idly by and listened as extreme and radical views regarding those of Islamic heritage and Muslim faith have pervaded the media, airwaves and internet. My frustration at the level of ignorance and bigotry that exists in America has been quietly endured as I told myself that it could not have affected the general population at large and was simply the product of the sensationalist desires of an entertainment seeking public. But I now see that radical extremism is spreading like a communicable disease, bigotry, ignorance and terrorism being the primary symptoms. This must stop! If we are to maintain not only the dignity of a democracy built upon the foundations of life and liberty but the freedom of religion as well, we must put an end to radical extremism of all kinds.

Muslims are not our enemy. Our country has not declared war on Muslims; our county has declared war on Terrorism and recent bigot sentiment directed toward Muslims reeks of Nazism, not freedom. If we were truly to fight a war against terrorism I would suggest we start within our own boarders and go to the homes, the schools and the institutions of our nation. As devastating as September 11 was and still is, it was not the first terrorist attack on American soil. Have we forgotten about the Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine and the myriad of abortion clinic bombings, racial hate crimes and raging domestic violence? Would not those also be considered terrorism? Ask the victims and they will likely tell you yes. So then who is the enemy? Terrorism is simply another pervading symptom of a larger illness. All of these things have one thing in common; they are the product of radical extremism of one kind or another. Therefore I submit that a war on just terrorism is not good enough as it simply addresses a symptom of the larger issue.

My fellow Americans, the battle of our generation is not against terrorism, but against radical extremism of all kinds. The War on Terrorism exists because there are extremists in the Middle East; we are fighting an ideology there born of radical idealists. Would we have ourselves take up the same banner of extremism in order to win that war? That is what will happen should the bigotry directed toward Muslims continue. I urge you to lay down your preconceived, media fostered prejudices and instead take up the banner raised by our founding fathers of freedom of religion, of tolerance, of peace. “For brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself (Gal. 5: 13-14).”

Date Night

So Freddie and I had our first date night since Liam was born and it was definitely different. It was hard to get Liam off my mind. I managed to only text Michael (who was so great and babysat for us) once the whole night. Freddie had to constantly remind me that we were on a date and that bills, most things Liam and school were taboo subjects to be discussed not while on a date. But we had a good time. We went to Chilies and ate a few appetizers and a dessert; can you say Molten Chocolate Cake... Amazing! Which brings me to the discussion of an observation; isn't it counter productive to put T.V.'s on every wall in a restaurant? I personally go out to eat to visit and enjoy company, not to watch sports updates and karate tournaments. It was crazy to watch these families and couples come into the restaurant and then zone out to the sports channel. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just get cable and eat at home? Now we went to Chilies because we had a gift card to use and their food was alight. All I'm saying is that it was a little weird in a twilight zone way.

Anyway, we then went and saw Inception. It was a fantastic film that I would definitely go and see again. Apparently I'm not the only one that feels that way because all I heard the next day from everyone else was how awesome they thought the film was... which also made it seem like we were the last people on earth to see that one.

By far the strangest thing that happened all night was when we picked our seats in the theater. Now I will wait in line for hours to get the seat I want in a theater. I don't particularly think theater seats are very comfortable unless you get the ones on the front row of the stadium seats with the bar you can put your feet up. I also have a thing about sitting in the middle of the screen. I have gone to great lengths in the past to ensure I get those particular seats and while it sounds a little spoiled, I get really put out when I can't get them. Continuing on, the theater was mainly empty which wasn't unusual considering Inception had been out for weeks and it was a 10 p.m. movie on Thursday night. But sure enough there was one lone man sitting in "my" seat. No big deal, I can still sit in my favorite row and get as close to the middle as possible. So Freddie and I proceed to move into the row and right up to the seat next to the lone man. As we approach Fred asks if the seat next to him is taken. Now I'm already a little weary of the dude as he looking a bit surly and is muttering to himself and I'm positive I heard an expletive or two escape this private one sided conversation of his. He gives no audible answer so Freddie asks again and the man responds with surprising volume and anger "The whole theater is empty and you want to sit by me all night?" Ok... wasn't expecting that one. Hoping to avoid a more unpleasant exchange I quickly explain that I like the middle seats in the front with the bar. The Lone Man simply goes back to muttering under his breath and proceeds to work a scratch and win card. Freddie and I move one seat down and settle in.

At this point there is still fifteen minutes or so until the previews even begin so Freddie and I proceed to talk. Not loudly mind you, we're just talking, maybe laughing a little, but by no means disturbing anyone else around us, neither are we the only couple in the mostly empty theater having a conversation. But apparently our interaction during the commercials and such they show before a film starts was disturbing to the Lone Man as his muttering grew louder and I was made aware of his considerably large sailor quality vocabulary. Suddenly he stood up and huffed off to find another seat clearly annoyed with our presence. It is the only time in my life that I'm aware of that someone has deliberately moved seats so as not to be near me. Mouth agape Freddie looked at me, "We weren't going to talk during the movie." True, we both detest movie talkers but what we were doing could hardly be considered that as the lights were still on and some advertisement about corporate usage of the theater was playing. I almost got up to confront the Lone Man and ask him what his problem was. Freddie asked if I wanted to move over another seat to the middle; we had a good laugh over our friend's extreme anti-social behavior and settled in to enjoy the film.

We finally made it home just about 2 a.m., exhausted and ready for bed but having had a good time. Date night reminded us how important dating is and the necessity that demands that we take some time to focus on our marriage and nurture that most basic but crucial building block of our family.

Finally...All the waiting is over and the new studio is opening!

Ok everyone, the Photo Works studio is finally opening it's doors this Friday. Check out their blog at http://photoworksportraitstudio.blogspot.com/ or find them on facebook under Photo Works Portrait Studio. Please pass the information along to all your friends and family. This is seriously the coolest professional photography studio around and you won't find a better product for the price. Freddie is excited to be a part of such an awesome undertaking so stop by the studio in the University Mall and help us make this new venture a huge success.

Finding time to sweat as a Mama

I have gone through various periods of fitness in my life but I have always considered myself fairly active. Even when I wasn't training for marathons I was still running/walking a couple of times a week and I picked up yoga a few years a go adding that to my fit-list. But I've never really been committed to fitness as a lifelong habit. Partly because I ran and did yoga more for the stress relief than to be fit and partly because I never had a reason to commit to fitness. But as a new mommy I am finding that not only is the time available for me to sweat a little limited but I have to find a whole new category of motivation that is beyond myself. I'm sure all you other mommies out there would agree that when it comes to priorities, you are the lowest on totem pole. So when I tell myself I need a run to burn off a little steam, that often gets bumped in favor of Liam's and even Freddie's needs.

Unfortunately...or maybe fortunately, I am beginning to find that kind of thinking has led to an often unhappy momma . Exercise releases the happy hormones and when you are already sleep deprived and pressed to the max in your schedule you need as many happy hormones to get you through the day as possible. But what to do? Inevitably I will always chose the needs of my family over myself. I'm a wife and a mother, it's ingrained. The solution to this problem has already been presented in this blog. It's simple; I view it as a bonus, nay, a necessity to my family's well being for me to take care of myself. In order for me to be the best mommy possible I need to feel good and be healthy.

So I am working to carve out time for me to sweat just a little and I've managed to succeed at least three times a week for the last two weeks, and I do feel better, I am happier and best of all I am setting a good example for my family. What better way to teach my children the importance of treating out bodies right than by showing them. I work hard to make healthy meals for my family and now I am working hard to keep my body in good physical condition.

I have recently gotten hooked on a new blog http://mamasweat.blogspot.com/. She share, or maybe I should say, pioneered, the philosophy of finding time, any time, as a mom to sweat just a little every day.

For all the other mommies out there, and even those who love a mommy, try to take a few minutes each day to sweat a little. Remember, fitness isn't about looking good, it's about feeling good and giving yourself the best chance of living a long, healthy life, blessing those around you.

On a different but related note, I have given up sugar... at least until after Owen's wedding and it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. While I hit my prepregnancy weight pretty quickly after Liam was born things have... rearranged themselves, and clothes don't exactly fit the way they use to. I don't want to forever be immortalized in Owen's wedding photos in all my postpartum glory so I am working to try and lose a little lose baggage. Since I already eat well, plenty of fruits, veggies, whole grains and lean protein, I figured eliminating refined sugar was my best option. I've got to say I've never wanted a cookie so badly but hopefully it's worth not having to grease myself up to slide into a pair of spanks to keep myself from bulging out of my bridesmaid dress.

Nap time Anarchy

I've always considered myself pretty lucky when it came to Liam's sleep habits. Since the day we came home from the hospital he has been a great little sleeper at night. After the first few weeks of obligatory every 2-3 hour feedings he began getting up only once a night to nurse. He never had his days and nights mixed up and it took very little effort to get him down in the evening. Now Liam is even beginning to sleep through the night. Sounds like I should be set up for the perfect sleeping newborn, but not so much. My son refuses to take a nap. He has literally declared war on nap time and it has been a constant battle for day time sleep for the last six weeks.

I have tried everything... seriously everything to get him to sleep; and the second I find something that works, it doesn't anymore. From rocking, to walking, to wearing, to special toys that light up and play music (see Albi the seahorse) to purchasing a swing with funds that should not have been spent out of sheer desperation. I know all the jargon out there says that babies will sleep when they need to but I'm telling you, Liam is a special jellybean when it comes to naps. If/when he doesn't sleep he can be fed, changed, played with and checked over a million times and still be the crankiest stinker in the world. He needs his sleep. So I'm finally going to try and do the one thing I never thought I would do as a parent, I'm going to put him on a schedule and come hell or high water I will try to make him stick to it.

You see I was of the warm fuzzy school of thought with newborns. You know the let them eat, poop, sleep, play when they want and my job as a mother is to comfort, feed and coddle. But that just doesn't work for Liam. He wants to be held, but he gets fussy being held too much. He wants to be rocked to sleep but gets squirmy and wakes himself up because he is uncomfortable. I know he is capable of sleeping in his crib and self soothing because he does it at night. But not so during the day.

So to bring order to Liam's nap time anarchy I am instigating rituals, routines and rules for nap time. I see no other way and I will not negotiate with terrorists (yes, Liam is a terror when he doesn't get adequate sleep).

All the Single Ladies....

Ok all my single friends out there. I have one attractive brother-in-law who is a great catch and looking for a date and I am shamelessly trolling for him.

Strengths:

Marine; yes he's ripped, in great shape and can kill a man with his bare hands. Basically, he will protect.

Great with Kids. Just one look at the photo says it all.

Aspires to a career in criminal justice system. His deep rooted chivalry drives him to serve his fellow Americans.

Check out those eyes, yes his lashes are real.

Weaknesses:

He cares too much, works too hard, has a sensitive side that makes him a romantic and is looking for commitment.

If you are interested call, email, text, whatever. There will be a minor screening process by me because really, lets be honest, for as good a catch as he is I'm gonna make sure I get an equally awesome future sister-in-law.

Letting your freak flag fly at the Scottish Festival

Two weekends ago Fred and I made the Scottish Festival a tradition by going for the second year in a row; and like last year we had a blast. Here you see Freddie pushing Liam around in a stroller. Isn't he a good looking father.

Anyway, now that I've posted a gratuitous picture of my excessively attractive hubby I will get to why I am blogging about the Scottish Festival. While I honestly do enjoy the environment, the games and the food, there is one thing about this particular Festival that just makes me bust out laughing... and its the fact that it brings out all the weirdies. I'm not talking about the die hard Scotsmen, I'm talking about the sword wielding, goth dressed, straight of a Renaissance Fair cliche weirdies. I'm asking myself why a celebration of heritage equals a medieval convergence of characters straight out of Dungeons and Dragons. It's not that it bothers me, if anything it makes it so much more of a rich experience to see so many people gathered in one place who feel they were born in the wrong time period. The historian in me just laughs at them because little do they understand that the time period they romanticize was probably the most miserable time to be a human on earth. But at the same time I both pity and admire their draw to gather at one of the few places where their strange obsession is actually accepted. How many of us have secret obsessions that are considered socially awkward? Whether its practicing for your fantasy American Idol audition in the shower, putting together one of your many fantasy football teams, or having imaginary conversations in your car during traffic. Wouldn't it be great to have a safe place to meet others with the same weird quirks? So here's to you goth dressed guy with the broad sword across your back, and here's to the rest of us finding a place to let our freak flag fly.

Albi the Seahorse's namesake.

Liam is the worst daytime nap taker and I was getting desperate. So I bought Liam a new toy this weekend in the hopes that it would live up to the hype of putting babies to sleep. It didn't work exactly as I had hoped but it does calm him down. Anyway, this blog post is the story of how the Seahorse toy got his name. You see for some reason I referred to the seahorse as Liam's dragon because honestly that's what it looks like to me (see picture). Freddy found in my species confusion a funny link to one of our favorite bands, Flight of the Concords who have a song about a racist Dragon named Albi. In honor of that ballad we have lovingly named Liam's new toy Albi. So, for your listening pleasure follow the link to hear Albi's name sake and the tale of the racist Dragon and his Albanian boy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-jVAHAuiS4

Just in case you didn't know what Heaven looked like

I have discovered that there are times as a new Mommy when you know that the wreck that is now your body thanks to baby, the sleepless nights, and the fact that the clean clothes you just put on will be covered in some kind of infant bodily fluid in the next ten minutes is worth it... That picture says it all for me. Yep, it's so worth it.

One month in and I'm ready to throw in the towel

So I'm one month into motherhood and I'm ready to call it quits. Not that I would ever want to get rid of my little bundle of joy... I'd just like someone else to step in and do all the hard parts so I can just enjoy him.

Hind sight is 20/20 when it comes to motherhood. The first couple of weeks were cake, not that I knew it then. I was bored out of my mind and wanted nothing more than to get out of the house. But I had to stay home and "recover." All Liam did was eat, sleep and poop. I actually woke him up a few times because I was so mind numbingly bored and I wanted something to do. Then he hit the two week mark and life changed. He started having more awake time (like an extra hour or two a day) as well as fighting sleep. Yes, my son will be flat out exhausted and he will fight falling asleep like he will never wake up again if he gives in. I will hold, rock and bounce him for an hour until he is finally dead gone to the world, then the second I lay him down his eyes pop open and he screaming. I've considered colic and while Liam does have gassy days it is not simply that. My child just won't sleep.

I should count myself blessed though because he does sleep most nights. I do have to get up twice a night for the obligatory feedings, but then he passes right back out. But during the day is a nightmare.

I wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to go back to work in a week. I could continue to play mom extraordinaire and that would be alright. I can take it... I'm his mom. But instead I will be leaving Liam with my Mom to watch during the day. Don't get me wrong my Mom is amazing and aside from Freddie I couldn't feel any more comfortable leaving Liam with anyone else. But because my son is no small angle child who sleeps the day away and is instead and semi high needs baby, the guilt of passing him off to my Mom to deal with is added to my guilt of leaving my child.

Speaking of guilt... that's one thing you don't read about in the pregnancy books. No one tells you how much guilt follows having a baby. Suddenly I feel guilty about everything from reading while feeding Liam instead of "bonding" with him to ignoring his fussing at 3 a.m. to get an extra 5 minutes of sleep until he really starts to rev up the lungs. Yes, motherhood goes hand in hand with guilt. From the moment you find out you are pregnant and get the list of no-no foods, until the day you die, you will feel guilt over everything.

Right now I feel guilty for blogging while Liam is blessedly napping instead of doing my very large pile of laundry.

The Reluctant Organizer

As an expecting first time mom I've heard so much about the sudden burst of energy pregnant woman get to organize, clean and decorate a nursery and I've really been looking forward to it. The hubby and I just moved this past month into a bigger apartment with a room for baby and plenty of storage. Every box has now been unpacked for weeks and yet I seem to be dragging my feet when it comes to decorating, organizing and over all homemaking period. I'm in my seventh month of pregnancy and I am still waiting for the famed 'nesting instinct' to kick in.

I'm finishing my last semester in my undergrad and because the baby is due four days after I take my last final I really have no time to save all my organizing until the end. So I am forced to come to the nesting phase of pregnancy on my own. I approach it as the reluctant organizer. I know it needs to be done. There is one room in particular that is in desperate need of boxes and baskets stacked in an orderly manner. It has become exactly what I never wanted it to be... the catch all behind closed doors. I've never been one to be able to just shove junk into a closet and call my house clean. So this particular room is calling my name and I've decided that this weekend is the weekend to make a stab at it.

So now I am preparing to dive head long into an organizational nightmare. This multipurpose room may prove to be my undoing but I am determined to pull it off. Yes, this bathroom sized laundry room will be organized as an office/craft room by the end of the weekend if it kills me. And whether or not Martha Stewart approves of my methods I care not. It will be the largest homemaking project I've ever undertaken but I've got to start somewhere. So wish me luck as I approach the black hole of my home and go where I've never gone before.